Happy Birthday, Dashi
by FluffleNeCharka
Summary: Dashi reflects that the first Xiaolin Dragons weren't very well behaved. In fact, they set underwear and the Temple on fire. [Past fic, Oneshot, Complete.]


Grand Master Dashi sighed.

He was beginning to doubt the Dragons he'd chosen. There was some insanity to be expected with elemental powers and high stakes like this, but after the fifth time the Temple caught fire (mysteriously, the Dragon of Fire always seemed to missing at that time) he was beginning to doubt how wise a choice this was.

Actually, it was a series of bad choices.

The Dragon of Earth was stunningly brutal. He almost killed the Dragon of Wind in a 'practice' match of theirs, and he had the bad habit of starting up a sandstorm indoors whenever the Dragon of Water was trying to comb her hair. He was constantly trying to get better at his element, and the vases, chairs, tables, and monks he destroyed or maimed didn't matter in the least. One time a newly arrived monk came this close to losing his arm. When Dashi scolded the Dragon about it, the reply was, "It would've grown back", which was what the Wind and Fire Dragons now said whenever anyone was injured. One time Dashi returned from meditating in the hills to find all the other Dragons stuck to the ceiling, tied down with rocks and their mouths stuffed with sand. Apparently, they'd been 'really, really annoying' that day.

The Dragon of Water was a sweet girl, but therein lied the problem. She didn't want to hurt anyone with her element or betray her friends. The result was that everytime there was a fight, she usually sat there and watched in dismay. She covered for the Dragon of Fire each time something accidentally burned, and the Dragon of Wind had her be his look out when he went into town at night without permission. It didn't dawn on her to try and stop the other Dragon's exploits, because she viewed it as self expression, which was a right she thought everyone should have. Even if that self expression meant being set on fire.

Wind had never been a stable element, but the First Dragon of Wind was like a hurricane that had smoked the wrong plant. He was constantly up to something or insulting someone or some such mischief. He ran circles around the monk's attempts to get him under control, and once threw a cake at Grand Master Dashi's head. Now every time Dashi changed his clothes, the Dragon of Earth told him he looked 'delicious'. The Dragon of Wind once tied every piece of clothing in the Temple together and then flew them like a big kite. The same night that the liquor went missing from the monk's reserve, he'd taken all the feathers out of his pillow and stuck them into his hair, yelling that he was the Bird of Paradise. Dashi had already bowed low before he realized his mistake and got blasted forty feet into the air.

The Dragon of Fire was younger than the rest, so some pity went his direction. Even so, his way of exploring what something was was to burn it. He'd set squirrels, visitors to the Temple, plants, monks, and even the Temple itself on fire so many times that Dashi was sure that villagers thought they were being attacked nightly by a fire demon or worse. Indeed, one little boy in a village fifty miles away asked if it was true that the Xiaolin burned old people over a fire to please the gods. Before Dashi could reply, the Dragon of Fire had already told the boy no, they did it for the oils that it produced, so that they had moisturizer. Battle was no better – he set himself on fire for no logical reason Dashi could figure, then ran at his opponents. Xiaolin Showdowns were turning into a very hot game of tag!

The insanity of it was tiring. The Dragon of Water apologized for her actions, but hers weren't that bad to start with. None of them seemed to have an off switch, and the Dragon of Earth was practically getting to be nocturnal, too. If something wasn't burning, something was breaking, and if it wasn't breaking, it was broken and the Dragons of Fire and Air were trying to blame it on each other.

On Dashi's birthday, the insanity did not slow. The Dragon of Earth woke everyone up by seeing if he could shake the Earth (or a portion of it) with his power. The answer was yes. Then the Dragon of Wind's underwear was found burning on a pole in the middle of the Temple grounds, displayed high enough for all to see. The Dragon of Wind retaliated by telling everyone, very loudly, how Fire's display of powers was making up for a lack of something else. Half of the monks didn't get it until he said, 'Just look at the size of Fireboy's feet'.

"That does it!" Fire had no patience, but that remark would've gotten most men on a rampage. "You want a piece of me, air head?"

"Bring it on!"

The Dragon of Earth sat back and watched with amusement. Dashi's jaw just dropped as his two best warriors threw mud, squirrels, and flaming chairs at each other. The Dragon of Water looked like she was about to have a heart attack.

"Gee," The Dragon of Earth said, just loudly enough for them to hear, "I wonder what Fireboy there wanted with his underwear."

There was a pause, then, "YOU SICKO!" And lightning flashed everywhere. A moment later the Dragon of Wind landed and ran into the Temple. When he came out, he had all of the Fire Dragon's underwear. "Sword of the Storm, Lightning!"

"Orb of Tornami, ICE!"

The frozen, charred underwear fell slowly to the earth, like snowfall. The Dragon of Earth fell over, laughing so hard he clutched at his stomach. Dashi's hand smacked his forehead as he just shook his head, unable to believe he'd thought these people were the most fitting warriors. 'Most fitting to be in an insane asylum,' he corrected himself. Could this have gotten any worse?

Then he saw the diplomat he'd been expecting standing at the Temple gates. The underwear fell onto his head, and the dignitary gave one last horrified and awed look at the scene before him, before screaming and fleeing down the mountain.


End file.
